Who me?

learning to see myself clearly

Barbers, haircuts and places we always went…

on February 18, 2014

I miss having a place to go where I can find a friendly face anytime.  Why are there no alcohol-free places like that around here?

I’m on day 49 and last night for the third time since I quit drinking, I stopped at the restaurant closest to home for a bite to eat.  Of course it is also the scene of a lot of my drinking.  I know it’s a bad idea.  I’ve heard the admonition:  if you keep going to the barbershop, eventually you’ll get a haircut.  The other two times, I went in early, got food and left.  I saw a couple of friends, had a cup of tea and felt very relaxed about it all.

Last night was different.

I knew it at the time.  I was on my way home from yoga and I was hungry.  Since I live alone in cold, snowy, dark New England, going home means walking into a dark 60 degree house needing to light a fire in the wood-stove and take three dogs out.  Last night the firewood was beneath a foot of snow, the driveway was beneath a few inches of ice and I couldn’t remember anything in the fridge that I could eat without making it a project.  Already feeling defeated, I opted for letting someone else feed me.

Since it was 8:30 when I arrived, the bar was well inhabited.  I knew everyone.  I sat down ordered tea and dinner, and for the first time, I felt completely out of place.  There was nothing right about it.  I was feeling good after my class and without the haze of some quickly consumed cocktails, the group looked largely sad and I didn’t want to be part of it.

It was as though I walked into the proverbial barbershop, but I could see the bad haircuts and I knew that I  never want what they have again.

The best advice I have received since becoming sober is to find people who have what I want and stay close and pay attention.  I did that.  I found a group of really positive women.  I figured out what meetings they go to.  One of them agreed to be my sponsor.  I will stick with them and remember that the old places and many of the old people just don’t have the life I want.

49 days sober and feeling very grateful


8 responses to “Barbers, haircuts and places we always went…

  1. iamsobernow says:

    Such an odd feeling to go to a “familiar” place and feel like you don’t belong anymore. It’s lovely that you’ve that with the positive company of your sober friends. Congratulations on your 49 days and choosing a sponsor. I’ve been attending meetings for a little over a week and I feel like I’m at home. I am anxious to find the person who will be my sponsor once I’ve come to know everyone a bit better. Good to see you posting again. Joyce xx

  2. jill says:

    I’m glad you found a home. I waited a month to choose a sponsor. I think she was worth the wait, we seem to be clicking. I had people to call from day one though I’m still not good at picking up a phone. I am working on it. I know isolation is my enemy. Thanks for the welcome back.

    • iamsobernow says:

      I’m glad you and your sponsor are a good fit. I definitely want to choose the right sponsor but it’s too soon after just one week. I’ve met some awesome people so far. The phone list…I’m terrible at reaching out. When the woman gave me the list she told me to just randomly call a few people to practice reaching out. I’m too used to isolating. Blogging and responding to posts has helped me want to connect. I think between AA and this community, there’s some solid help available.

      It sounds like you have another storm coming your way. Stay warm and dry! 🙂


  3. I think you can be very proud of yourself for recognizing the “bad haircuts” and not falling into the old routine. You passed! Plus congrats on 49 days!! Now might be a good time to bust out the slow cooker or spend the day making and freezing single servings of soup, stew, or something easy to pop into the oven. It always helps me to have food on hand without having to prep too much. If you want some yummy recipes, I am happy to share. I have felt isolated a little bit too. I don’t want to freak out my new friends and tell them everything too soon, but I don’t want to hang out with my old friends who drink a lot either. Ugh. I am glad to see you posting again and I am cheering you on from the cold white north:) Big hugs!! ~OTS

  4. lucy2610 says:

    OTS said it all so well! Nice to see you back and good news on the sponsor and 49 days 🙂

  5. Maureen d. Connolly says:

    Keep up your amazing journey. Never give up. And just never pick up the first drink ladies! You can do this, you can have this. I celebrated my 2nd anniversary this past November! I am in my third year of sobriety. Feel free to reach out by email to me until you feel you can pick up the phone! Just be the best woman you can be one day at a time, because that’s all we can be! xoxoxo Good luck!

  6. Sandra says:

    Okay, today is Day One Again and your story has given me much resolve to make it, I had 4 months but, thought I was caught off guard by a really bad day, thinking that alcohol would make it better, and it only made it worse…the things I didn’t do…Was reach out to someone, and talk it out before taking a drink…And the things to watch out for..HALT, Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired are vulnerable times…but, I feel so refreshed by what you have written…I don’t want alcohol in my life and I am always so much happier without it!

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