Who me?

learning to see myself clearly

Who am I?

on January 22, 2014

My childhood was spent all over the United States; we moved every three to five years.  I learned to be a chameleon of sorts.  We would move to a new place and begin to explore.  We would see the new sights and try the new activities associated with our new acquaintances we hoped would become friends.  Sometimes, I loved the new experiences, other times I did not.  I would paste a smile on my face and make the best of it; that’s how you make friends.  Or is it?

I’ve developed a wide variety of interests over the years.  I can strike up a conversation with almost anyone, almost anywhere.  When I had a drink in my hand, everyone was my friend.  Whether I was in the fanciest city club, or a biker bar in the country, I could make it work.  Making it work is different than feeling at home and really enjoying myself.  Thus the question…

You’d think that 50 years on this planet would teach you a thing or two.  I think I’ve learned a bit and this journey to sobriety seems to be a lot about picking the lessons to live by and learning to focus on things I really love.  I’ve begun with things that help me calm my mind without a substance.  Yoga is really working in that regard and I like the positive messages I hear.  They are a great balance to the sometimes darker feeling I get at meetings.  Massage and now acupuncture have proven wonderful to take the edge off the anxious feeling.

This is a difficult season for me.  The darkness comes too early in New England.  I find myself in a routine of immersing myself in my work.  It’s easy to do with a classroom of early adolescents.  Two evenings each week, I run off to, what is apparently one of the ten snowiest campuses in the US, to teach undergrads and graduate students.  If I am lucky, I have a little spare time apart from shoveling, correcting papers and napping.  Now that I don’t have to include drinking on my to-do list I have room for other activities.  Now I just need to remember what I enjoy doing sober.  It’ll be nice to find some sober friends along the way.

I look forward to the longer, warmer days of spring and summer.  There are many more healthy diversions then.  Hopefully my feet will be more firmly beneath me as well.

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4 responses to “Who am I?

  1. I am so happy you are going to yoga, massage, and acupuncture! Those things really help me too. In yoga today we were asked to shed our layers of self protection from the stimulation of the outside world…I feel like when I had a drink in hand it helped calm down the input noise/stress. I too, relate to navigating new friends and social situations with the universal theme of drinking. It is hard to breathe into those places that feel raw or tight, underdeveloped but still present. I suspect the more time you spend nourishing yourself with all these self care practices, you’ll start finding friends with whom you can relate on a deeper, more conscious level. I live in the dark, cold north and found that this year has been much more tolerable since I take a daily dose of vitamin D3. Jarrow makes a palatable flavor in lemon that I squirt into my water each morning. It really seems to help elevate my mood/optimism during the winter months. Too bad we don’t live closer, I’d invite you over for butternut squash bisque and a snowy hike:) Maybe you could escape to a yoga retreat in a sunny location…that’s what I’ve been dreaming about lately:) Hugs

    • jill says:

      I will have to check out the jarrow. I need a lift. I love the retreat idea. It is too bad about the distance. For now I’ll bundle up, take a walk and eat some of my cheesy potato and broccoli soup. Hugs!

  2. lucy2610 says:

    If you like yoga have you tried meditation? I find that really helps too 🙂

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