Who me?

learning to see myself clearly

Seeing people clearly…

on January 17, 2014

expectation

As I work on building the life I need and want, it has become clear to me that there are people and things that clearly do not fit.  The things are easy to see.  Alcohol doesn’t work for me.  I feel better when I eat well and drink plenty of water….   People and relationships are so complex; it is much more difficult to make sense of them.

I have a long history of finding people disappointing.  Now, if I am honest with myself, I know that there is not a large contingent of people who stay up nights thinking of ways to disappoint me.  The problem lies with my expectations.  I have learned that you must strive to see a person for who they are and then accept them, or not.  It really is that simple.

Notice, I didn’t say easy.  It is decidedly NOT easy.  If you are like me, you want to be liked.  You don’t want to hurt anyone.  You want to be a good friend and be there for your friends in their time of need.  It is ridiculously difficult to look at a friendship and realize that it is all one-sided.  It is sad, but you cannot build a healthy relationship based on negative things.  AND you can’t expect more of someone than they are capable of, it is a plan for disappointment and in the worst case anger.

I know these things, but I am having a terrible time coming to a place where I can let go.  I need to build friendships that add to my life in a positive way.  I do not need drama or people that thrive on it.  I am declaring my life a drama-free zone.  Now, I just need to figure out how to implement that kindly.

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5 responses to “Seeing people clearly…

  1. Drama and drinking go hand in hand. When one goes the other loses its appeal. Do what you need to do. Listen to the voice that’s looking out for you these days. It’s ok to let go and set new boundaries. You must come first!

  2. lucy2610 says:

    I think the sorting happens almost organically – as Carrie said – the drama and drinking are friends so without one you loose the other almost naturally 🙂

  3. iamsobernow says:

    Ah, the sorting that takes place as we’re getting sober. I’m finding myself in the same place. Of the few relationships I do have, there are two that no longer fit with what I want to become. I know letting go is for the best but I’m wrestling with how to handle it.

  4. fern says:

    I have also been thinking about expectations. My world is opening up and I’m sharing more thoughts and feelings in AA meetings. This is good in one way but also scary because I have an expectation that I will be hurt. It’s ingrained in me that I will be misunderstood and end up feeling different and excluded. Amazingly, I am finding that AA is built on trust and honesty and no one is out to hurt me. I’m not saying it’s right for everyone but for me it is a safe place to learn my expectations are false delusions.

    I don’t know if that makes sense.

    Fern

  5. jill says:

    It makes perfect sense. I’ve been going to meetings for the past 11 days. It does help to have a safe place. It is a great feeling to be accepted.

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